late bloomer

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I just had a serious “aha” moment. I finally get why the college years are valuable. It has little to do with grades. It has a LOT to do with experiencing new thoughts, new experiences, and new relationships.

How does this revelation relate to me personally?

Leaving the classes and dorm-life of college to get married, while not the WORST thing in the world (don’t worry honey, I would do it again 100x over), may have seriously stunted my development. And the worst, most terrifying, most exciting part is? This Erin’s coming-of-age period is happening right now…in the thick of my mommying-preschoolers time. What the?!?! Ask any of my friends. I cannot engage in conversation without wanting to REALLY engage. Conversations that start with “How was your week?” or “How is little Jasper sleeping lately?” end in discussions about poverty, human rights, and worst of all, inexplicable theological questions. Maybe its not a bad thing. But I fear that, before long, my mommy friends, also in the thick of their own mommying-preschoolers period, may start ducking behind walls when they see me walking in their direction. Generally, mommies of youngsters don’t have time to talk. And when there’s “time”, they (generally) aren’t able to focus…because little one is in the other room, someone needs to be fed, changed, bathed, consoled, or Princess needs a Queen mommy, or Thomas the Tank Engine needs a track built. All good, beautiful, incredibly INCREDIBLY important things.

My struggle? How do you continue developing as a person (your theology, worldview, talents, passions) when your world is so much about the world of your Ragamuffins. And we ALL know how much is necessary for their little worlds to continue spinning. I don’t THINK the answer is “get a job”. This time IS incredibly fulfilling, but this time (sniff, sniff) will end, and I don’t want to be “stuck” with myself. I don’t want the world to be “stuck” with a once, awesome, kick-ass mommy, who forgot to learn and grow along the way.

So, what are your thoughts? “Seasoned” moms, did you grow alongside your children, or will you admit to wishing you had given a little more time to your own personal (spiritual, intellectual, social) development? Or, or did the lessons of parenting, in your opinion, develop you enough? Younger moms, tell me you struggle with this also…

 

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3 responses »

  1. way back when a wise pastor’s wise wife and my doctor each told me to find and pursue something life-giving, challenging, recharging and to make/carve/create/guard even small blocks of time to regularly devote to it ~ from reading to photography to writing to studying to music to seriously talking to someone who can appreciate your words 🙂 ~ or whatever the passion is that the Lord has put in your heart.
    realistically this oh-so-short chapter of life IS primarily devoted to mommying (i called it my philippians 2 chapter of life ~ “setting aside” a lot that might be personally fulfilling for me to serve out of love), and that’s a precious privilege on behalf of our children.
    but setting aside time to refresh and refuel and restore the worth-it-but-very-real physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual drain of mommying is critical, too. at least i found it to hebe true! 🙂
    in short … she suggested i take passion sabbaths ~ short ones each day and perhaps a longer one to look forwrd to each week and even longer ones when you can. that’s actually when i began writing in earnest, thanks to my dear mentor jacque.
    there’s my own experience for you, erin. wish i could say i always did it well, but i can’t. 🙂

    • Thanks Dianne. I TRULY appreciate your feedback. I was blessed to get to know you as a mommy with “grown-up” kiddos, and have always looked to you as a role model. You weren’t just Jaimie’s mom to me. You were a woman who blessed others, served, and filled her time with life-giving opportunities to struggle and grow.

      I do get that the purpose of this season, and a WONDERFUL purpose, is to be what my kids need. However, I feel like one of the best things I can do for them is to show them that we should NEVER stop growing and changing…I truly don’t believe that’s God’s desire for us.

      So maybe the answer is being ok with small windows of recharge for now. Historically, I’m the hold-up-in-a-room-for-14-hours-to-get-anything-done type of person. But, this season is not conducive to that. And retraining my brain into understanding that all time alone is precious and shouldn’t be wasted.

      What are your thoughts?

  2. I can totally relate. It seems so hard to get recharged when you only have a small window of time. The amount of time you usually have is just enough to sort of “unwind” but not really to catch up on anything you have been wanting to read, study, practice, etc. I have told Matt multiple times lately that I just don’t feel like I’m me. Perhaps thats because the Mommy me is much different than the pre-mommy me, but I think the old me was a lot more fun. 🙂

    I have no answers or suggestions, but I will be praying for you!!!

    Miss and love you, friend!

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